This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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