If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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