If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
