you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize