Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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