He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
