She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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