She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize