Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
