So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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