i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
