You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
