i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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