I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
