your thong is hanging out like whoa
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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