I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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