i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
