True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
