I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
