I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
