You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
