I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
