there's paper in my vomit.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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