like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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