I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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