do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its not stalking. its research.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
