i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
