Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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