when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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