I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
