I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
