I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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