just tell him i said nine months
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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