actually, I'm a sock model
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
