ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
