I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
