So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
