I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
