Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
