So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
