I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
