who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
