my soul wont recognize me after tonight
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
