I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
