i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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