We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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