Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
