Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize