i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
