I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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