so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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