I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
