It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
