dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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