we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
