you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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