More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
