you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
