I got chris browned last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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