Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
