shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
