I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
what day is it and did you see me today?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You pole danced in your parka.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
