do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
