please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
