If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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