wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
