I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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