Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
