look no pants
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
