That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize