I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
